Chains
by L.TeddyBear
Summary: He loved her. He knew it well, but he chose to be chained up and restricted. He wanted her deep inside, but he cannot let his selfish desires go free. KaoHaru. Done for a challenge on S H I N E issued by Demi-kun


**This is my first shot at an angst fic. I actually don't feel confident with it. Also, please forgive me for the grammer mistakes in this one. It's also my first time writing a fic in present tense. Hope that it turned out okay.**

* * *

Chains

The whole room is in a chaotic mess as the Host Club members rush about to set up the scene for the next cosplay setting. Somehow the theme today became "Detectives". Every single one of the hosts dashes around setting up props while trying to wriggle their way into the uniforms.

I grab my red detective uniform and cap and made my way to the changing room as I finish laying down a soft looking chair in front of a wooden office desk, in which mi lord will be sitting on.

As I slide back the pink curtains, two large brown eyes stare back at me. I quickly pull the curtains back to where it was before. I can feel a blush streaking across my face and my heart thumping wildly in my chest. At times I would actually enjoy this feeling, but at times I would not.

For much of my earlier year, I have never felt this way before. I only started to feel it when she came in. I only started to feel this way, when she was suddenly able to tell us apart with ease. Since then my feelings have changed toward her. I started on thinking of her as something more than a friend. She became precious to me. She had somehow crawled her way into an empty part of my cold harden heart. It was a part that yearned for someone like her to come along. I wanted to keep her all to myself, but…

"There you are Kaoru. Hey, have you seen Haruhi anywhere?"

I look to my left and saw Hikaru walking towards me fully dressed in the same identical red detective costume that I had draped across my arms.

"She's in the dressing room," I answer.

Suddenly, the curtains pull away and Haruhi steps out from behind. She was fully dressed in a magenta colored uniform that mi lord had picked out for her. She looked adorable, yet cool in the detective cosplay uniform.

"Sorry to have kept both of you waiting," she says, smiling at us. She then turns to Hikaru. "Hikaru, you dropped this on your way in here," Haruhi says, flicking a 100 yen coin into the palm of Hikaru's hand.

"Oh, it's only 100 yen," comments Hikaru, toying around with the silver coin between his fingers. "You didn't have to bring it back."

Haruhi frowns. "You shouldn't take money for granted. Money isn't something that comes easily you know. People work hard and go through a lot of trouble in order to earn them."

Hikaru had a bit of a confuse disposition on his face as he stares thoughtfully down at the 100 yen in his hand. He then looks up at Haruhi and grins. "I guess that you're right," he concludes giving her a loving pat on the head.

Haruhi gives Hikaru a strange look, but then smiles back.

_It hurts. I want that smile from her. I want it so badly, but I can't have it. Hikaru's more important to me. It is because of him that I willingly decided to chain myself up and far from her reach. His happiness is more important than my own. I mustn't let my selfish desires take control of me. I just can't…but it's so painful…_

"Are you alright Kaoru?"

"Hey, earth to Kaoru. Are you still alive?"

I blink myself out of my thoughts and saw Hikaru and Haruhi staring at me with worry looks on their faces.

_Don't give me those looks. I can't take it_.

Haruhi lays a hand gently on my arm. "If you're not feeling good, then I can go tell Tamaki-sempai. You don't need to force yourself to stay."

I shake her hand off and spin away.

_Don't touch me. Don't come closer to me. I'm afraid that I won't be able to restrain myself. _

I slowly turn back to face Haruhi. She looks surprise and almost seems to be taken back because of my actions.

_Don't give me that look. I say don't! It hurts I say!_

I don't know what to do. My head aches as well as my heart. Out of desperation, I instinctively dash away from the spot.

"Hikaru, I really think that you should go and check on Kaoru."

I hear Haruhi say to Hikaru as I run away from her. Why Hikaru and not her? Why won't she come to comfort me at my side instead of my twin brother? I want her not him.

I bang my head hard on the concrete wall upon reaching a corner.

What I'm I thinking? Hikaru is my twin brother! I love him more than anyone else in the world! Don't I?

I turn my back to the wall and allow my body to go limp, causing it to slide down onto the floor. Somehow I feel so weak. Everything suddenly didn't make any sense to me. I'm so confused. I am not sure of my feelings anymore.

I love Hikaru. I also love Haruhi. The question is who do I love more, my brother who I knew my whole entire life or some girl that I have only met for a couple of months?

I'm I willing to give up the girl that I fell so deeply in love with to my brother or will I allow my selfish desires to seize me?

"Haruhi! You're so cute in that costume! Come closer so that daddy can see!"

I lift my heavy head up and see mi lord racing toward Haruhi. A weak smile spreads across my face at the sight. At the sight of the magic that my lord casted upon the whole Host Club. He always thought of each member of the Host Club as a member of a big family. It was his way of stabilizing the relationship between all of us. However, how long will this magic be able to last? How much longer until the wheels of the carriage stops spinning and turns back into an individual lonely pumpkin?

I feel myself frowning at the thought. Everything's changing. All of us are growing up. What happens if Hikaru and everybody else decide to take the next step in life? What will then become of this family? Will it hold or will it shatter and get crush beneath everything else? At times maybe it's best to just ignore and not notice the change of feelings toward each other, so that this happy current relationship will be able to last…forever.

"Hey, Kaoru, what's up with you today?"

I gaze to my left and see Hikaru throwing himself down on the floor next to me. I turn and give him a lopsided smile.

"It's nothing," I lie.

Hikaru stares at me suspiciously as if he doesn't believe me. He then shrugs and before lifting himself from the spot, lays a hand on my shoulder.

"Loosen up a bit and have fun at the club today okay?"

I nod weakly and watch him leave.

As I observe Hikaru entangling himself in the Host Club preparations, I find myself lost in my thoughts again. I was oblivious of the fact that someone else had plopped down beside me.

"Are you feeling any better now Kaoru?"

The softer voice wakes me up from my daydream. I spin my head around and notice that Haruhi was sitting right next to me.

I tried to answer her, but find that the words are caught in my throat.

Haruhi seems to take this as a sign that I wasn't feeling any better and so tells me, "If you have anything that's bothering you, you can tell me. I'm always happy to hear about it. Maybe I can help you."

"Do you think that anything can last forever?"

Haruhi stares at me strangely.

_Why did I blurt that out?_

"Well, what are you referring to in this case?" she asks me back.

I look at Haruhi and finds that she is looking at me intently with a serious, yet calm disposition on her face. I sigh and continue my explanation. Maybe, talking to her might help me see things better.

"Do you think that relationships can last forever?"

"Well, it depends on how strong and true that relationship is. If both sides understand each other well and truly trust each other then there is a possibility that it could last for a life time," Haruhi explains, staring up at the ceiling. "I guess that everything revolves around the word trust. If both sides can't trust each other then they're at lost."

"Do you trust me Haruhi?"

She turns and fixes her eyes on me, a bit surprised at my question.

Upon realizing what I just said, I quickly spin away from her. I can feel my face burning hot and my heart racing rapidly in my chest.

_Why did I ask that?_

"Of course I trust you Kaoru."

I turn back in her direction. I didn't realize that she had moved herself closer to me. Our lips brush against each other.

I shoot up from my place and rush out of the music room.

_I feel like I'm betraying him…Why I'm I so selfish? I'm I breaking the chains that have been keeping me away from her?_

"Kaoru! Watch out for the stairs!"

Too late…

I trip and stumbles down the long line of steps leading up to the floor where the music room was. When I finally reached the very bottom of the stairway, I could suddenly feel my pain shooting up my right arm.

"Kaoru, are you okay? Are you hurt anywhere?" Haruhi, who was now by my side, questions me in concern. "Does your arm hurt?"

I nod meekly.

"Come on, I'll take you to the nurse's office," she says, getting up.

I hurriedly grab hold of her hand. "It's okay. I just sprained it, that's all."

"What do you mean that's all? Even if it's just sprained, you should still need to get the nurse to look at it."

"You don't need to spend time worrying about a selfish person like me."

Haruhi seems bewildered by my statement. She pauses for a moment and then says, "What are you talking about? You're not selfish. You're one of the nicest people I ever knew! You always watch out for other people and try to help those in trouble. You're not selfish Kaoru, you're selfless."

I laughed mockingly at her statement. "You're wrong Haruhi. I'm not selfless at all. I'm always selfish."

_I always use Hikaru as a tool to break our relationship. I can't let him go because he is what is needed to break our bond. I can't let him open the door of the carriage just yet. He needs to end it all for the both of us. _

_What kind of person uses their own twin brother as a tool to break their own relationship? _

_I'm not selfless…I'm selfish. _

"No, Kaoru don't say that. Everyone's selfish in their own way. That's the nature of every human," Haruhi says in a logical way. "Do you know what else? Normally, people who say they are selfish are those who are really selfless. People who are unselfish and good tend to look down on themselves while those who are bad tend to think that everything they do is right. This means that you're not as selfish as you think Kaoru. You have the ability to realize your weaknesses and you can overcome them."

I lift my gaze from the floor and stare into her large bright brown eyes. "Do you trust me?"

Haruhi smiles warmly. "Of course I trust you Kaoru. You're my friend."

_Friend?_

I put my left arm around her and embrace her.

_At this very moment I don't care if the chains that I have set around myself get broken. I just want to embrace her for one last time. _

_For after this I vow to never touch her again…_

_I vow to forever recoil back into my position and allow myself to be chained up and restricted again…_

_She's not mine. I cannot have her…_

_This will be my last moment with her…_

_I love you Haruhi…_

Haruhi embraces me back.

"You're my best friend Kaoru. Forever…"

* * *

**Sorry if Kaoru turned out a bit OOC in this one. I find it kind of hard to write fics like this. Feel free to comment and criticize. **


End file.
